It's been a year since I published my poetry collection

my reflections, why i self-published & how it continues to heal me

Sep 19, 2024

Lofty, aspirational reading goals fluttered in front of me this summer — coy, inviting, very demure, very cutesy.

But then, as illness struck my loved ones, grief walked through the door and decided to hang over my head for weeks to follow. It made it difficult for me to push myself through anything that required a bit of discipline to read. I usually pick a quick thriller or fantasy book to get me out of a slump, but my mind felt numb from grief’s cold touch.

At the same time, I realized the first anniversary of my poetry collection, Earth Tides, was quickly approaching on September 19th. I wondered what I’d do for myself to honor her book birthday. I hadn’t read any of the collection’s poetry since last August, when I was doing very last-minute rereads to ensure it was perfect (or as close to perfect as it could get) for publication. After publishing, my mind needed a proper break. Earth Tides belonged to her readers now.

But maybe, just maybe, a year later, my own poetry collection was exactly what I needed to be reading.

Earth Tides was written over the course of two to three years, comprised of 111 poems. In the throes of a metamorphosis, I pulled out bits of myself to examine. Essentially, I was delving into what it means (to me) to be human on a spiritual and natural level. These examinations became poems, which became Earth Tides’ array of themes. I split the collection into five sections: Air, Water, Fire, Earth, and Spirit, and assigned each section a theme — or a mood, if you will.

It’s interesting reading your own work back. You find poems you’d almost forgotten about. They give you a big, tight hug, the way you do when you finally see an old friend again. You find your past self lingering in between all the lines.

Those themes I explored in Earth Tides — love, loss, rebirth, finding my creative voice — are ones I’ll ponder over for the rest of my life. I know this now. A younger version of myself thought that was it — I’m grounded now, I’m healed, ready to move on! But if the past year has taught me anything, it’s that life is more like a Russian doll set, constantly unpacking new layers for me to deal with.

Part of this exhausts me. But part of me acknowledges that’s what being human is.

Upon my reread, the Air section reminded me I can paint with words, reminded me of poetic styles I haven’t touched in the last year — it was healing to read them back. Water’s section, which focuses on mental health, was more difficult to read, my old wounds aching as if sensing oncoming rain.

Fire made me smirk, proud of the woman I’ve grown into, the past loves I walked away from and the healthy love I walked into. Earth felt peaceful — I was brought back to quiet sunny, Sunday mornings in my apartment during my (first of many) healing eras. But my personal favorite is still Spirit. Her section only contains one poem. But that poem came from such a deep place in me, and each time I reread it I feel a deep truth bleed into my veins.

In this season of ongoing grief, rereading Earth Tides felt like a little gift from my past self. It felt like Earth Tides was suggesting there were lessons I’d learned that I’d maybe forgotten since she was published. Maybe it was time to re-implement those lessons of grounding, of finding stillness in nature, in my current season.

I think the most challenging aspect of creating Earth Tides was knowing what poems to cut and what to include. In hindsight, there’s probably a few more pieces I’d cut from the collection, a few where I used to like the chaotic line breaks but now I see could use some sharpening.

But I lean on what Rick Rubin says — I’m paraphrasing, but it was along the lines of — sometimes you’ve just got to finish the thing and put it out in the world. It’ll never be perfect. As long as you, the creator, loves it, that’s all that matters. You need to release your project into the wild so you can move on to the next one.

So I’m learning to let my inner critic turn her energy towards new work.

The most rewarding aspect of writing Earth Tides was fulfilling my childhood dream of publishing a book. I think self-publishing was very fitting for me, too. I’m stubborn and like things done my way (my Taurus Sun is smiling right now). I like control over my work. Who doesn’t?

I wanted it to be a full representation of myself and my vision — and the book 100% came out the way I envisioned. From the order of the poems, to the design concept — I wanted readers to feel immersed in a magical forest while reading — to the ethereal and mystical feel of my inner explorations, and my absolute adoration for our sky and earth. Through self-publishing, I was able to choose my editor and book designer, and felt comfortable (and blessed) with each choice.

Self-publishing was difficult, but it was fun. I vividly remember thinking, I’m going to miss this part when it’s all said and done.

While I self-published Earth Tides, I’m not against traditional publishing by any means. I welcome experiencing the traditional route too, if it’s the right time, place, and fit. But self-publishing felt right here, like it was the most honest way to put my collection into the world.

I’m still so proud of Earth Tides. And I’m thankful for her falling in my lap again this summer, sitting with me, reminding me that sometimes the voice I need to hear most is my very own.

If you’ve made it this far (I love you), I’ll leave you with a personal favorite poem of mine from each section below, as well as some questions to ponder (or journal with!) when reflecting on your own art. Feel free to share in the comments, too! I’d love to hear from you.

If you’re interested in picking up a copy of Earth Tides, my website contains direct links from my printer (the most affordable option!), Barnes and Noble, and Amazon.

Earth Tides is available everywhere books are sold, worldwide.

`Air`

`Water`

`Fire`

`Earth`

`Spirit`

Reflective prompts:

Have you ever revisited something you’ve created in the past? How did it make you feel?
What books, poems, or creative works do you turn to when you need comfort or guidance?
How do you balance the desire for perfection with the need to move forward in your creative projects?
What lessons have you learned from your past self that still resonate with you today?
Do you have a favorite poem or piece of writing that has evolved in meaning for you over time?

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with love, amy elizabeth